Those days between Christmas and New Year's Eve when the world demands nothing from you, and you awaken deep in thought as to what the day will bring, - not knowing, just in anticipation.
I spent the whole of December preparing for Christmas.
Gifts, baking, decorating, letters to loved ones, peanut brittle and candied walnuts, and lemon curd, - always lemon curd. Nothing gets left out, even though there is only me, the anticipated family visits and the voice of my loved one saying from the past "that's enough, enough - you are doing too much".
I know it, and the old familiar traditions are so ingrained in me I just go merrily along, with the result being a fridge full of goodies, boxes of shortbread, even after all I gave away, - and me, nibbling my way through the contemplative days, sifting through the book shelves, tidying up the wrapping papers and ribbons and boxes and bags, doing a little bit of weaving, reading old Journals and wondering what this next year will bring.
Christmas Eve began with a candle-light service and then Oyster Stew for all who could come. I did a beef stew for those who could be here but couldn't abide Oysters (not properly brought up in the same tradition as my parents, and that of our children who learned to love them).
Here is a picture of great granddaughter Olivia, discussing with Kim the placement of the angel in the nativity scene.
The flowers on the altar in memory of Charles
And the little ones at their own small table for Christmas Dinner.
So I think about this coming year, which begins with my birthday, - mine and Jesse's, a dear great grandchild. He was born on my ninetieth birthday, and will be four on January 2nd. Which means of course, that I will be ninety-four, and that continues to astound me. I have been six years without my Beloved, and so the days go, on and on and on it seems. I look back in my geneology and discover that there are others in bygone days who have lived well into this same decade, but it was beyond my expectations. And I have to say I love every minute of it!!!
The one great hole is the loss of my dear one, but I have long conversations with him about various things, and I know what his answer would be to many of my questions or appeals for advice.....
Our dear children couldn't be more solicitous, helpful and loving so the hole is not as deep and dark as it could be!!!
And the little furry ones!
The days are not all contemplative, - some of them are full of plans. Limited plans, - one's mobility does not approve of gallivanting around, but the looms are here, close by, and the making of cloth a great satisfaction and a wonderful way to fill my days.
So as I contemplate I also anticipate, and 2019 seems to offer many days of enjoyment and satisfaction.
I hope it is the same for you, and wish each and every one the happiest of New Years.