Friday, September 01, 2006

September - most glorious of months

Across acres of old pastures, where the goldenrod are taking over, late August and early September turn the land into a tumbling sea of the richest yellow. The fields are awash with waves of goldenrod that flow across the slopes and break against the stone walls and the woods.
Edwin, Way Teale

In the days when we rai
sed sheep and I was enthused about spinning and dyeing wool the goldenrod and rabbit brush drew me into the hills and along the roadsides to gather
great baskets of yellow gold that with the proper mordants gave me the soft and subtle greens and tans and buttery colours to weave blankets that still keep us warm at night and lay over cha
irs for afternoon naps.

The first day of September, and we enter my most favourite month of all. September is like New Year's Eve to me, - it holds all the excitement of new beginnings. We come from a languid summer, full of zip and great expectations. It has been this way for me always, but more so when I was sending children back to school. I wasn't breathing a sigh of relief, - I just wanted in the worst way to go with them!!

When it finally came my turn to go back to school it was one of the most exciting times of my life, and I loved every minute of it.

Today has been glorious. Cool breezes, warm sun and blue skies. The intense heat of summer has retreated. The hills are still smokey, and the sun set tonight - a spectacular red ball against a smokey sky.

I spoke in a previous post about the curious anomoly that we depression children harbour and the guilt we feel when we indulge in the things we love to do. There is a need to find a practical reason for everything we do. It plagues me when I pass my weaving room, and much as the loom beckons and the unfinished warp scolds, there always seems to be something else that should be done. If I can fool my mind into thinking that I am weaving to make presents and save money at Christmas and Birthdays, then all is well and I can weave guilt free.

I had no hope of ever conquering this feeling until today I read of a wise woman's effort to change "should" to "could".

I said it over to myself, silently. It opened up possibilities, and so I said it out loud.

Try it, - what a wonderful release, - changing a negative to a positive. I COULD go and weave this morning. Or I COULD clean out the fridge. A great decision making opportunity, and permission to choose what appeals most (always keeping in mind that the fridge is going to continue to need to be scrubbed and polished and re-arranged) Perhaps a morning will come when that is the activity which really turns me on!!!!! Clean fridges do have a certain appeal!

Well, this way of looking at things opens up possibilities, and what better month to try it. Imagine, waking up to a morning of choices! I will feel like a butterfly, - a grasshopper. Certainly not a trudging ant. I will banish "SHOULD" from my vocabulary.

Of course there is still "MUST", but MUST places no burden of decision upon us, - it doesn't encourage us to procrastinate. It is purely and simply a fulfilment of an obligation, a commitment

I go into September with lots of enthusiasm and a light heart!!!

Wednesday, August 30, 2006

A reminder from the front of my fridge,

which is somewhat in danger of becoming invisible even as I grow older, and prone to the habits it warns against.

17th Century Nun's Prayer

Lord, Thou knowest better than I know myself, that I am growing older and will someday be old. Keep me from the fatal habit of thinking I must say something on every subject and on every occasion. Release me from craving to straighten out everybody's affairs. Make me thoughtful but not moody; helpful but not bossy. With my vast store of wisdom, it seems a pity not to use it all, but Thou knowest Lord that I want a few friends at the end.

Keep my mind free from the recital of endless details; give me wings to get to the point. Seal my lips on my aches and pains. They are increasing, and love of rehearsing them is becoming sweeter as the years go by. I dare not ask for grace enough to enjoy the tales of others' pains, but help me to endure them with patience.

I dare not ask for improved memory, but for a growing humility and a lessening cocksureness when my memory seems to clash with the memories of others. Teach me the glorious lesson that occasionally I may be mistaken.

Keep me reasonably sweet; I do not want to be a Saint - some of them are so hard to live with - but a sour old person is one of the crowning works of the devil. Give me the ability to see good things in unexpected places, and talents in unexpected people. And, give me, O Lord, the grace to tell them so.


Tuesday, August 29, 2006

Dr. Crippen's Blog

Tonight I have been putting in time before I can decently take my book to bed, reading Dr. Crippen's Blog. And finding it extremely interesting, - not just the topics contained therein, but also Dr. Crippen's response to the events that happen around him, daybyday, and his response to them. I like his humour and his commonsense, and have marked his blog as a favourite.

Mixed in with my admiration for Dr. Crippen's Blog, and his lifestyle, is a fair amount of envy. So many things to write about!!! And he does it with such style.

I had lots of things to write about at one stage in my life, - well, a pretty long stage, to be honest. Life is still fun, and interesting, but the umbrella is definitely closing on my sphere of activity. And the things that I can talk about are remarkably limited.

Dr. Crippen can talk about anonymous patients who cross his path daily. At this stage of my life I have only family and close friends who cross my path daily, and it is pretty hard to dissect them in a blog, or talk about their more familiar traits. Not an awful lot of them are liable to run into my blog, but they would certainly be amazed and astounded if by some chance they should, and found themselves publicly acknowledged for some innocent event in their lives, or a comment on their idiosyncracies.

Best to be diplomatic and confine one's thoughts and comments to the mundane, or at least to private opinions on uncontentious subjects. Safe, but boring.

Perhaps I should find a pseudonym and go on a wild and wicked spree, and run my stick along the fence - now I am old.

Sunday, August 27, 2006

Shedding the illusion of central position

God help us, there is very little of that particular illusion left at this stage of the game. Which, I think, is as it should be.

A measured sense of self is most important in achieving maturity, and when we become parents the responsibilities we feel for our children are inclined to give us the illusion of control. This continues at least until the last child leaves the nest, and in some parents there is great difficulty in granting children true freedom to be adults and in charge of their own lives. A mother's constant worry about adult children is really a failure in faith, and a clinging to a feeling of responsibility and control

I speak from experience, and I have been a long time reaching the point in my life where I can shed the worry and the feeling of being responsible for everyone's happiness, everyone's safety.

I think this lack is an indication of what is currently known as a "control freak", and control freak's have a really hard time acknowledging that probably everyone can do just as good a job as they can in making decisions and living the good life. And some can do it a whole lot better!!!

I strive to age graciously, and have found that "the old folks" inspire love and respect, but woe betide them if they think they have any control over the events that happen in their children's lives, - or their children's response to these events.

What a happy freedom acceptance of this concept brings!!! It's like being newly weds again, - just to have each other to care for and to consider, and the familiarity of years of marriage to smooth the path. And besides, there is that constant movie of family life that we can sit and watch (and mostly enjoy) without any sense of responsibility. Furthermore, most of the things you get to watch are the pleasant events, - nobody tells you about the things they think might upset you, or on the other hand, might upset them!!!

WOW - so much for the illusion of central position, - hurrah for the seats on the sidelines!!! Let the parade continue!