I am glad to report that my ego is subsiding!! And what a comfortable feeling that engenders....
It appears that things that I thought (at one time) only I was capable of doing properly and creatively are being competently and creatively accomplished by others, with ease and aplomb!!! How arrogant my ego must have been, (she said, shamefacedly).
I now find it is amazingly wonderful to accept this epiphany quite humbly, and to relax into lovely old age, content to read and knit and weave and muse and listen to music. I have even gone back to a 'cleaning lady' - in my case a sweet daughter-in-law, - and a son-in-law who keeps the snow at bay and the lawns trim and neat.
What does all this mean? Have I turned a corner and am I now ambling contentedly along the grassy path that stretches out deliciously into the future, and ends in the 'next adventure'.
Before I was REALLY old I used to keep this poem on my fridge door to remind myself of the pits the years might lead me to stumble in to.
"Lord, thou knowest better than myself that I am growing older and will soon be old.
Keep me from becoming too talkative,
and especially from the unfortunate habit of thinking that I must say something
on every subject and at every opportunity.
Keep me from becoming too talkative,
and especially from the unfortunate habit of thinking that I must say something
on every subject and at every opportunity.
Release me from the idea that I must straighten out other people's affairs.
With my immense treasure of experience and wisdom it seems a
pity not to let everybody partake of it.
But thou knowest, Lord,that in the end I will need a few friends.
With my immense treasure of experience and wisdom it seems a
pity not to let everybody partake of it.
But thou knowest, Lord,that in the end I will need a few friends.
Keep me from the recital of endless details; give me wings to get to the point.
Grant me the patience to listen to the complaints of others;
help me to endure them with charity.
help me to endure them with charity.
But seal my lips on my own aches and pains -
they increase with the increasing years
and my inclination to recount them is also increasing.
they increase with the increasing years
and my inclination to recount them is also increasing.
I will not ask thee for improved memory,
only for a little more humility and less self-assurance
when my own memory doesn't agree with that of others.
Teach me the glorious lesson that occasionally I may be wrong....
only for a little more humility and less self-assurance
when my own memory doesn't agree with that of others.
Teach me the glorious lesson that occasionally I may be wrong....
Keep me reasonably gentle.
I do not have the ambition to become a saint
- it is so hard to live with some of them
- but a harsh old person is one of the devil's masterpieces.
I do not have the ambition to become a saint
- it is so hard to live with some of them
- but a harsh old person is one of the devil's masterpieces.
Make me sympathetic without being sentimental, helpful but not bossy.
Let me discover merits where I had not expected them,
and talents in people whom I had not thought to possess any.
And Lord, give me the grace to tell them so. Amen'
Let me discover merits where I had not expected them,
and talents in people whom I had not thought to possess any.
And Lord, give me the grace to tell them so. Amen'
I am seriously thinking of giving up meetings where I have to read the minutes to know what has evolved, - especially the meeting for organizations where I pass myself off as a Secretary!!
It is so sweet when the little ones lisp, I am almost three...... not so adorable when one has to admit that they are almost ninety-three! But it does elicit a gasp of what? Surprise? Sympathy? A lessening of expectations?
Still, I am so glad to be rid of that dratted ego that sent me on so many wild goose chases!!!!
I have a vague feeling (not unusual these days) that I may have posted on this subject before, but there! I am quite used to repeating myself.....
"The older I get the less I know. It's wonderful - it makes the world so spacious."
Swami Chetanananda
