Sunday, June 06, 2010

In the last few days I have been putting in time, waiting for recovery updates of a loved one who has had major heart surgery.

I haven't been able to settle to anything.  I pick things up and put them down, - knit a few rows and then check the computer for news.

A basket of miscellaneous papers caught my eye, and while riffling idly through them my mind was distracted, first by those old familiar lines of Omar Khayyam typed on yellow copy paper in the days of the Underwood typewriter and Carbons.........

I sometimes think that never blows so red
the Rose as where some buried Caesar bled;
That every Hyacinth the Garden wears
Dropt in its Lap from some once lovely Head.

And this delightful Herb whose tender Green
Fledges the River's Lip on which we lean -
Ah lean upon it lightly! for who knows
From what once lovely Lip it springs unseen!

Ah, my Beloved, fill the Cup that clears
Today of past Regrets and future Fears -
Tomorrow? - why, Tomorrow I may be
Myself with Yesterday's Sev'n Thousand Years.

I picked up a few more pages and came across an article by George Jonas on the subject of 'losing your past to the memory hole', and I remembered the rueful thoughts I had when I first read this...

"........what really irks is the gradual loss of the one thing that was supposed to be definitely yours: the past.  Well, whatever the good news, the bad news is your past is trickling down what George Orwell called the memory hole."

I remembered being amazed at my grandmother's memories of her early days and now I realize that the most recent memories are the first to slide down the memory hole so that you can never be sure if you are going up the stairs or down when you stop on the landing to contemplate what you are going for, but you remember with great clarity the name of the boy who kissed you in Grade One (Walter Ewenson)

I checked the computer again, - no news.

Here is a green folder with seven sock patterns, - I leafed through them curiously and admire some marked EXPERIENCED - terribly intricate, but nevertheless I dream.

I am getting a little bored with knitting the same pattern over and over for my Christmas project, - even changing the colours of heels and toes hasn't illuminated my interest, - but wait, - here is a pair knitted from  toe to top!!  I will go and look for the right size needles in a little while, if my enthusiasm lasts.

There are some knitted on one circular needle, and some knitted on two circular needles, but I think I will not push my luck, - I learned to knit socks when I was young and  the memory retrieval was at it's highest point!!

I dug a little deeper and came across some 10 pages graced with a three holed punch and held together with a large paper clip.    It is entitled "in the beginning:  two stories of creation"  and the pages are divided into two columns, one for each story.  I set it aside with plans to revive my memory and help sort out the ideas that beset me about traditional and post modern Christianity.

Time to check the e-mail again, and this time there was news, - not perfect news, but reassuring -  so that I felt energized and able to take up the day and leave my basket of papers for another time.  

My thoughts turned to the date - June 6th, the Anniversary of D Day, and the memories of that day when I was young and we were all aware of the bravery and courage and sacrifices the day demanded, as we left our work and went to the Cathedral to pray for the young men who held freedom in their hands, the freedom of the people of Europe and ultimately the freedom of the world.  And I gave thanks....


Sallie (FullTime-Life) said...

Hildred -- I'm glad the news was reassuring. I related to the kind of day you were having. Because of course I've been there (as has anyone who has accumulated enough years). You have built up enough interests to fill the restless minutes -- not to help you forget, but to help you remember the good times. I strive for that!

Barb said...

I have often done this, Hildred - come across some old papers and started reading from the past. I have many years worth of journals that I intended to destroy, but end up just sitting and reading them all over again. I'm hoping your loved ones heart is mended and now healing. How many pairs of socks are finished?

Wanda said...

Lovely post Hildred...I get lost in notebooks and journals too.

I hope your loved one is doing well.

Hildred and Charles said...

Barb, - six and three quarter pairs done, - but I have already given two of them away for birthdays, which puts me slightly behind schedule!

I feel these days as if I am on a roller coaster, - one email elates me, the next is liable to plunge me into despair. It is my eighty year old sister who has had major heart repair - she is not yet back with us after surgery on Friday and so we live in hope....

My thanks for all good wishes.

Penny said...

Oh Hildred, what a wonderful post, even though the news is perhaps not what you hoped for, it was a post that both reassured me and upset as well, My 97 year old mother is not fairing well, and one has to wonder what is ahead for me and my sisters.
So much t6o think about.
I do hope all is well.

The Weaver of Grass said...

Thinking of you Hildred. I really enjoyed reading your post - as we get older we have more and more memories to call on don't we - and often they are a comfort in hard times. Hope your loved one continues to improve.

Strawberry Jam Anne said...

So glad for you that the news you received reassured you. Wonderfully written post - I could almost feel your restlessness. Hope you feel much more relaxed now and that you continue to receive good and better news. A x

Jingle said...

Happy June,
Award 4 u on blogger account.